Here is my new scheme for attracting people to ballet (I admit I was inspired--if that's the word--by NYCB's new scheduling policy). Instead of creating programs of similar ballets, create programs of similar audience members: Singles Night at NYCB, for example. So much more civilized than those trashy bars, and if you meet someone you don't like, the bell signaling the end of intermission gives you an escape! It's perfect! What other "Theme Nights" could ballet companies have?

Mother's Night. But then, you'd need a UN Peacekeeping Force for ushers.

'Cell-Phone-Ring Okay Night' with audience interacting with 'New Martins Ballet'.

'Channel 13 and NYCB Pledge Drive Combo Night,' moderated by Donna Drewes and Tom Stewart.

This could be a good idea, but it needs to be thought out carefully.

Sometimes it happens on its own. An appearance last year by Julio Bocca and his Boccatango company was packed with well-off Latin Americans. The Trocks got huge numbers of gays. Nutcrackers attracts all those well-behaved children dressed alarmingly just like the kiddies on the stage in Act I.

At other times it's planned in conjuction with an outside organization. A major theater company in our town arranged a special peformance of a gay-themed play, along with a meet-the-actors-and-director reception, for members of the local gay and lesbian organization. They have done similiar projects with women's, Jewish, and civil rights organizations.

And then there are all those evenings when the audience gives the impression that there IS a theme night going on, even though no one publiciized it as such: "Well-Off White People of a Certain Age Night."

Who else has spent their lives believing that the classical arts are something you can't live without? And who else has the money to pay for those very high-priced tickets?

P.S.: Papeetepatrick, most theaters already have cell-phone evenings, usually held in conjunction with "Cellophane Candy Unwrappers Night" and "Who Can be the First to Evacuate the Theater As Soon as the Curtain Falls? Night." In our area, small but audible gatherings also help make almost every performance "'Snore Along with the Music Night."

And its cousin, "Hum Along Night."

[Checks calendar]

Yup, it's August.

Oh, man! How many times have I wanted to unwrap a candy and felt myself forced to endure . . . seventy . . . three . . . seconds until the next applause break, onlynow to realize that, as the neighbor of several ticket buyers, unwrapping during the dancing was my duty! Dumb, dumb, dumb!

“Whatever It Is They Did It Better in 1965” Night (alternates with “Sheezno Fonteyn” Night)
“Well *I* Saw the Premiere” Night (alternates with “We Clap for Scenery” Night)
“Oh, Go Ahead, Wear Your Comfortable Shoes!” Night (alternates with “I Can’t Believe You Can Walk in Those Heels” Night)
“Fifteen Dollars for Third-Rate Champagne in a Plastic Glass!!!” Night (alternates with “Perrier Jouet. Freixenet. Whatever. Just Give Me Two.” Night)

Too funny!

I'm fairly freshly back from SPAC (Saratoga's outdoor theater), and I can't stop thinking
of some of the performances there:

SPAC's Slip 'n Slide _____ (enter ballet, eg,: pas, C, Slide, Lake, Waltzes)
Midsummer Night's Shvitz

Jacob's has their Pillow, SPAC could be called SPAC's Oven?
Happy to hose you down at the curtain call...(it rains frequently)

Daaa, da da da da daaa, da daaa, da daaa, da da da da da daaaaa...

It could be like "Sing Along with The Messiah Night," except we could all hum to a full length Swan Lake and argue about the order of the music and what should or shouldn't be cut.

Colds, Coughs, and Allergies Night

Big Hair Night

How about "Screaming Teenybopper Night," scheduled when Carreno, Corella, Ferri...well, I guess any night at ABT. (As long as there isn't ice skating at Madison Square Garden.)

"Murder at the Ballet": West Side Story Suite, Slaughter on Tenth Avenue, and any Martins ballet (the audience dies).

Haha, these are great... I wonder if they could clear out all the orchestra seats and have "Dance Along Night." People could wear costumes!

How about "Oops, I thought this was a movie," night ? That is the night when people come in, put their feet on the seats, talk on their phones, and to each other, and, well, generally behave and dress as if they are at the movies.

The last snore-along performance I attended was a matinee. I guess I was it actually a nap-along performance. Why this SFB bill included Robbin's quiet "Dances at a Gathering," I'll never know.