In order to satisfy LA Times critic Lewis Segal, let's create some up-to-date, hip, politically correct ballets for our time.

I propose "Les Sulphides", a warm neo-Romantic revery on air pollution danced by members selected at random from the audience (no elitism there!) wearing pointe shoes as gloves. No nasty ballet technique! It won't matter how it looks, as Los Angeles smog will be simulated by fog machines, totally obscuring the entire stage and auditorium.

Great thread, Mel! Watching the video of the grand old Italian ballet, "Excelsior," I thought how relevant it could be made with just a titch of tweaking. (In the original, the Spirit of Darkness is in a death battle with the Spirit of Light to prevent Civlization from moving forward. It starts with the end of the Inquisition and goes through the incidents I'll describe below. The only change is that NOW the Spirit of Darkness would be the Spirit of the Kyoto Accords, and the Spirit of Light would be Corporate Interests. Civilization, of course, is now Globalization.)

Synopsis:

Globalization applauds the new steamship, the Roberto Fultoni. The Spirit of the Kyoto Accords (hereinafter SKA) pleads with them to stop, predcting how this will destroy both the environment and the fishing industry, and, hence, their way of life.

Globalization cheers on the fine fellows who are blasting a tunnel through the Alps. SKA tries to stop them, but fails.

Globalization is there as the Suez Canal is built, as Arab women do belly dances for their entertainment. SKA begs them to stop, predicting the Middle East conflict.

We'd probably have to cut the pas de deux where Civilization tames the Savage (in a loin cloth), but -- oh, wait! Globalization tames the Amazon Rain Forest Native would do. AND we could add the Ballet of the Tropical Breezes to deal with Global Warming.

A corps of bellboys dances happily to celebrate the birth of the Telegram. SKA is hopping around distractedly hoping to stop this vile new method of communication, predicting the breakdown of the family and internet porn. Globalization finallly dumps a ton of sludge on his head and he dies. Corporate Interests crowns her Queen.

It's August!

Giannina

You guys are writing an exciting new chapter in ballet history for the 21st century, the Age of Segal.

In order to meet the new Segal Standards, a "new" ballet will have to be relevant to today's world. It will have to avoid escapism and fantasy. It's dancers must be treated with respect and not subjected to the tyranny of body type or antique technical demands. It must NOT be pretty. (I exaggerate a bit.)

One 20th century classic that is badly in need of updating is Balanchine's Western Symphony, which perpetuates myths of the happy and innocent cowboy, seems to revel in the sexual exploitation of young women on the frontier, and attempts to deceive the audience by depicting an "Old West" in which there are no Native Americans at all and the issue of genocide is never even raised.

I propose a drastic change in locale and time period to save this ballet from its irrelevance and "poisonous exoticism." A Western Symphony transferred to an American military base in the Middle East in 2006 might be a good idea as well as a powerfully relevant anti-war and anti-imperialist statement.

Cowboy swagger could easily be improved by replacing it with dark, scarey, primitive movements of military men unleashed and going crazy. Gone will be the dance-hall girls. We will replace them with mysterious but suffering indigenous women whose bodies are entirely hidden by their shapeless black chadors. An additional bonus of this kind of costuming is that it would allow us to cast the ballet without regard to the tyrannies of body type, ideal proportions, weight restrictions, etc., Thus we can satisfying another of Segal's objections).

The women will wear only one point shoe. The other foot will be bare. This will express the essential conflict between the artificial and stultifying spirit of classical Western culture as contrasted with the more authentic values of the oppressed people of the world who can't afford shoes. The fact that this will create a great deal of limping on stage will reinforce our desire to achieve true "beauty" by avoiding the merely "pretty" as much as possible.

Throughout the revised ballet, we'll have dark, conflicted interactions instead of joyful dances. The one truly innocent male character, who apparently believes in the possibility of dancing without dire political implications, will be shot down during an especially difficult double tour en l'air in Part III.

If you recall Balanchine's sadly out-of-date version of this ballet, the entire cast jumps repeatedly, joyfully, and apparently endlessly, as the curtain falls. We will replace this finale with falling missiles and despairing dancers, crouching, raising their tormented arms to the heavens, opening their mouths in silent screams. The missiles will make a profound point: "Down" replaces "up" in our world today -- and our ballet will be unflinching in hammering home this point. As the curtain falls we will be left with a vision of corpses littering the stage, and scavengers emerging from their holes to rob the dead and finish off the wounded. The back cloth, dark grey and threatening throughout the ballet, will turn deep crimson, bathing everyone in the rich color of death.

Some of you may object: "But this wouldn't work with the corny, bouncy, basically happy folk music of the score,"

I reply: "Haven't you ever heard of IRONY." "Oh dem golden slippers" is a wonderful vehicle for depicting our society's sick materialism. And "Red River Valley" suits perfectly the rivers of blood with which our wonderfully relevant ballet ends.

Brilliant, Bart. Said choreographer will have established a thematic contrast between the woebegone, put upon, unenlightened and oppressed ballerina as signified by her modest 90 degree extensions, and her contemporary equivalant who understands that modesty signifies not love and the joy that flows from love, but a resigned acceptance of oppression, and who will shoot down that oppressive male with a liberating, 180 degree shot to the chin.

Yes it is -- whoopee!

Bart,

You were sort of already anticipated in this little detail, kind of anyway.
ABT put on Kudelka's Cinderella a few months ago and of course Cinderella only has one of her slippers in Act 3. Kudelka has her dancing around her kitchen with one pointe shoe on and the other foot bare, including a series of fouettes.

The theme is "personal growth"

I kid you not.


Richard

"Les Bourgeois" performed in Southern California must not have the dancer with a cigarette. He must instead place a stalk of Napa Valley celery in his mouth, which a passerby in a raincoat and gas mask will inexplicably light. Anything is good to smoke in California, as long as it's not tobacco.

bart, I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

Wonderful! And if the oppressed ballerina is wearing a chador for the ultimate in modesty, she'll hardly be able to move!

Didn't Smuin already do a ballet about the evil sheriff in the West? Sorry, I forget the title, but of course it wasn't full length. Actually Ashton already choreographed a dance for a ballerina wearing one point shoe, in Illuminations. And speaking of updating, why not start with Stars and Stripes? Obviously the present verision is for too supportive of the male hegemonic military-industrial, imperialist outlook and is a Bad Thing. The poor women with the trumpets and the batons (obviously a pathetic and ineffectual substitute for guns) are clearly victims of the worst type of stereotype, and the flag is obviously just so yesterday.

Thanks for making me smile, dirac. But where do the classics don't put women in chadors, or anything suchlike? Modesty needn't signify submission, wouldn't you agree? I'm reminded of the performers adage, "always leave them wanting more." Modesty in a strong woman and a strong dancer is tremendously alluring, and if the woman is so inclined, a potent weapon. I'm spellbound by the ballerina in Agon; I'm smitten by the ballerina in the first act of Giselle. They're two sides of the same coin. In the same way, high extensions to my mind sometimes exemplify a contemporary, almost in-your-face style of self-presentation. They can thrill. But lower extensions have another, more delicate and for that reason sweeter, appeal. Both have their place.

Song For A Dead Warrior?

I think you're right about Smuin, cargill -- can't think of the ballet at the moment.

kfw, I defer to you on the womanly modesty angle.

Edited to add that I was posting at the same time as pmeja -- thank you for the name of the ballet!