Laugh or cry, take your pick. Here are three of the most egregious examples of flowery and just plain incompetent writing in NYCB's 2009 Spring Season brochure:

And then there's this:

Never mind that most of those ballets were introduced to the public years ago, is there any way to know for sure what that last clause even means without studying the schedule?

I know there are people in the company who can recognize how bad this stuff is.

Oh, laugh in the case of 'La Valse', that's one of the most deliciously grotesque things I've ever read--I mean it's virtually a novel. I picture the young woman, not wise enough to choose the right boite (but I also see her as having a choice of many, but being naive and too innnocent), falling through something either like what Alice went through or Keir Dullea in 2001 a Space Odyssey. "Waltzes through...with tragic results" is to die for. So much for getting captivated and giving in to temptation; the wages of sin is always death!

Agree about that last clause, it's totally inane, almost like a Litte Moron joke.

kfw, you have a great editorial eye.

I see it as a kind of personal voyage for the ballerina. Maybe the young girl has to "waltz through" Balanchine's choreography in order to reach her own "innermost" (as opposed to outermost?) heartstrings, located somewhere in Peter Martins choreography.

Are "complements" to the copywriter in order?

Stop the torture -- I'll answer however you like!

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who had problems with the nomenclature, syntax, and blindness (or nonexistance of?) an editor. Luckily, whenever my faith in grammatical usage is broken, BT restores it.

Is there any chance that this may be connected to cost-cutting? Possibly a change in public relations people?

When our local daily paper "downsized," "excising" many of its higher-paid and more experienced staff, the quality of writing took an instant plunge. Apparently journalism schools have changed quite a bit here in the U.S in recent years. Alternatively, people with real verbal skills may no longer be choosing to attend them.

These remind me of the horribly off-putting cards Baltimore Opera used to send. They said things like, "Where there's a smokin' Druid priestess, there's fire" (advertising Norma). I've received many other cringe-inducing ads from them over the years. It makes these organisations seem rather desperate.

Could marking like that be just one teeny part of the reason that they are now in Chapter 11 bankruptcy?

Thank you for this, kfw! These are fine specimens of the genre, indeed

Re Baltimore Opera, a few years ago they had a WONDERFUL bumpersticker that said, "Opera. It's not as bad as you think!" (To which I came up with the obvious ballet rejoinder: "Ballet! It's not as bad as opera!" and I was very disappointed that not a company in the world picked up on that. )

And also a few years ago, a company which shall remain nameless (but it wasn't NYCB) once had an enticing double bill called "Murder and Mayhem." now, the two ballets were "Chaconne" and "Slaughter," and I was never sure which was which!

Now if they had said "Opera -- it's MORE SMOKIN' B-A-A-A-D than you think," they might have been on to something.

Balto Opera changed its slogan to something like, "Opera: It's better than you think it has to be." I understand, but...

I like this quite a lot, the problem is that it's so sophisticated that it is useless as P.R., (unless it's interpreted very loosely, as I mention below) because with the Druid, they'd been aiming low, which is where they presumably still needed to aim. If they'd said 'It's better than you think it really could ever be', that may have been more what they meant. But 'better than you think it has to be', means it's even better than what I'd think it would be at a high standard (or it could mean that, but most likely means some version of 'It's better than you think it is.') Therefore, their version means I think it has to be at least as good as a great Met performance, but surely it will pleasant surprise me in its supernal manifestations...whereas, another version of what they really surely meant is 'It's better than you thought it could be', given that the ones they're targeting haven't spent time meditating on the high standards that opera must surely routinely live up to. Of course, it's the 'has to be' that can be taken either way, and they obviously weren't targeting opera-lovers: they could have used 'must' and it would have worked for their purposes, as 'It's better than you think it must be', but 'It's better than you think' would have covered all of what they needed without going into ambiguity which they themselves were totally unaware of, most likely. To go ahead and 'do this to death', I could finally also add that to write it with their poor construction, it needs to read 'It's better than how horrible you think it has to be.'

From the other spectrum of dance, I felt I had to share this press release:



You just can't make stuff like this up.

From the music world, I remember going to see a world premiere by composer George Walker, who has written some tough 20th century scores. I loved the piece, but when I read the program notes, there were three or four paragraphs of dense, technical musical explanation that went right over my head, but I remember his closing line: "I would like to thank my mother."

Pedagogy, really? Doesn't that involve clear communication? Love that "de-sedimentation."

"kfw, "desedimentation" I take to be something like "peeling the onion." Stripping away all unnecessary or inauthentic qualities. But then ... who knows?

First I thought that this might be a parody. There is certainly much in the paragraph to make one laugh.

Then, I Googled Mr. Asentic's name. Here's a link containing a brief video of his work:
http://www.dancetheaterworkshop.org/asentic

If you stick it out to the end you'll get to see him do a couple of ballet bits: (1) a tiny set of bourrees and (2) a brief cambre backward, almost like Odette.

It's like my husband always says: he loves going to the opera, he just can't stand the singing. He loves going to the ballet, he just can't stand the dancing. (and I married him anyway).

Well, after all the re-thinking, de-desedimentation and multi-whatever , I am the one feeling mentally disabled now...

Thanks, Bart. I pictured an excavation operation, "reality" having been covered in sand I guess. Same general idea, of course.


You're a brave man. I guess he de-sedimentized all that neo-classical and PoMo stuff back to classical ballet.

I was hoping de-sedimentation was something like Botox, but I fear it's more like colonic irrigation.

By George, I think you've GOT it, kfw. The layers are stripped away, one by one, until we reach ... Swan Lake ! "Next stop ... Baroque Dance." Or even
http://www.bencourtney.com/ebooks/dance/images/012_l.jpg

Here in Philly, we've given up on expecting much from the PR at PA Ballet. From the website description of their 45th-season opener (which began with Ballo's "pageant of pastels and precision" and "virtuoso variations and ballerina bravura"), here's their execrable description of 9 Sinatra Songs :

"The evening is capped off with Twyla Tharp’s comedic tale of a male soloist’s struggle to navigate a world that demands structure. One of the dance arena’s most widely recognized 'cross-over' ballets, Push Comes to Shove is a cornerstone piece in the Tharp canon that pushes through barriers of ballet and shoves modern dance to center stage in her signature style."

Help. Me. Rhonda.

Those poor male soloists, struggling with structure in the dance arena, good thing someone's telling their tales. And kudos to the writer for pushing that "cornerstone piece" through the boundaries of 'Push,' shoving 'Shove' out of the envelope (or is that the box?).

Ray, I don't know if that's funnier than it is sad or sadder than it is funny.

Over on the Femme Fatales thread there is this bit from The Independent about how these dangerous creatures .
Some day we're going to have to de-sedimentize back to grammar, syntax, and the dictionary meaning of words.

That "de-sedimintation" business must have come from his agricultural training. Talk about interdisciplinary!

No, I can't, and you probably can't, but somebody did.

Well, I think the PAB writer might have thought s/he was trying to de-sedimentize that hoary old expression "push comes to shove"--in her/his signature style, natch, to make it relatable to the audience!

Allow me to correct the subtitle of this thread. The public relations department of an arts organizations rarely (if ever) writes catalog copy for brochures, newsletters or anything else geared towards the public. Their function is usually media based -- writing press releases, pitching stories, etc. Catalog/brochure writing is the responsibility of the marketing team (pr is usually a part of marketing), and specifically a copywriter. To illustrate this point, please look at the difference between NYCB's spring brochure, and compare it to the press releases on their website. The press releases are written in a journalistic style, and not in an advertising/promotional style (as seen in brochures etc.). Finally poor grammar, spelling and phrasing is the responsibility of a copyeditor, not the marketing/copywriter. Most company marketing departments , as well as all newspapers and magazines (even those decimated by layoffs) have copyeditors (many are freelancers). As a public relations and publicity professional for more than 30 years (with both English and Journalism degrees), I find the distinction between copywriting and public relations/publicity writing worth mentioning. One caveat -- this post was not copyedited.

DeborahR: Thanks very much for that correction -- and for the insights into what is clearly a rather complicated, multi-level process.

I admit that I was having enjoying "making fun" so much that it never occurred to me to think about the context out of which such writing emerges.

The NYCB bochure copy that started this thread seems to be more a matter of hasty writing (probably by someone young and inexperienced) and sloppy editing: the kind of thing you are describing. The material describing Mr. Asentic's work was more in the nature of pretentious flim-flam -- quite another thing.

The point about layoffs in journalism hit home. In our local paper, the tv/pop culture critic has now expanded his field of expertise from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to serious theater and even ballet. You can imagine the results.

Thanks, DeborahB. Of course the style appropriate for a subscription brochure is not appropriate for a press release, so that alone doesn't tell us if the same person wrote both, although it does suggest that someone knows the difference.


I have worked as both a journalist and a copyeditor, and I disagree. If the copyeditor has not only to correct an occasional typo or tricky bit of grammar, but has to adjust phrasing too, then who's doing the writing? Whoever wrote that brochure has little feel for written English, and shouldn't be working as a professional, which makes me wonder if he or she really is even a freelance professional, which makes me think someone with NYCB wrote it. But maybe you're right. In any case, someone at NYCB approved that amateur prose and doesn't know good writing from bad, and that's no crime, but the dancers, and the company's legacy, deserve much better.