True to Ballet Alert's tradition of bravely updating and making relevant the dusty old classics, we offer you, the ballet going public, this opportunity to help us dust off Sleeping Beauty.

Generosity, Song, Farine? Why is there a Farina fairy in there anyway? Does Aurora eat Cream of Wheat?

We need some real fairies.

I modestly propose a few new, relevant fairies to offer their gifts for Aurora. Please suggest what gifts they might bring, costuming, and the choreographers among you might wish to describe a variation or two.

The Fairy of Stupidity - This is a truly non-discriminatory fairy. Visiting lands both North and South, people both high and low, the Fairy of Stupidity traverses the entire stage, sharing her gifts liberally and equally with Aurora, and in fact the entire court.

The Slacker Fairy - Not much of a variation here. Mostly the slacker fairy hangs out.

The Fairy of Distraction - "Oh dear. I'm sure when I left the house I had a wand. Wait. I've got the fairy dust in my purse, I've got Aurora's savings bond. . .Where did I last leave it? Well let's try some magic anyway. . .oh dear. I think that was the wrong spell. Will the King and Queen mind having a baby ocelot? Oh my. I think I had better go back and try and find my wand. Would you all just wait right here, and maybe pet the ocelot? I'll be back as soon as I can. . ."

The Fairy of Incompetence - According to The Peter Principle, the Fairy of Incompetence generally ends up being the Head Fairy. Her variation has very grandiose intentions, but doesn't really go anywhere and when done, you realize that you were never really sure whether the Fairy of incompetence was doing a pique or a releve, and neither was she. However, she made sure there she had a big cape and a flashing disco ball during her variation in the hopes you wouldn't notice.

Oh, what a lovely topic

If we're sticking to Sleeping Beauty II fairies, some of the ones I've actually seen are:

The Fairy of Efficiency. No one can say she doesn't do the steps, dashing them off, one after the other. She doesn't need a wand; she has a remote control device.

The Fairy of Greed. Her variation has the MOST steps in it, often stolen from the other fairies. Only the speedy can attempt this variation.

The Fairy of Ambition. In slightly over her heard, the FofA plunges forward, often grimly, dancing many of the steps in her variation, slurping others, falling out of turns, but always smiling, smiling, smiling.

For Aurora's breakfast, there's either:

The Wheaties Fairy -- dressed in tennis togs, she flits here and there, leaping, jumping and turning (often simultaneously), her arm positions inspired by free weights -- or, in a low budget company -- the Oatmeal Fairy -- lumpy and determined, her variation is rather basic and gets the delivery it deserves.

p.s. how come there aren't any boy fairies?

Oh dear. I feel like Cattalabutte.

There is a fairy I accidentally left off the invitation list. And you know how the fairies are when they don't get their invitations.

I sent an invite to the Fairy of Injury by Federal Express. Let's hope she isn't too peeved.

Regarding boy fairies. Well, Nureyev did actually take the Gold Fairy's music (from Act III, not the prologue) and make it into a second act variation for the Prince. It actually makes a handsome male variation. The problem comes when he gives the Sapphire music to the Gold dancer in Act III. In his version, it's also a male variation, but the music is far too fast for the steps he wants the poor fellow to do.

I'm a tolerant fellow. I think we could have boy fairies. What gender is the Fairy of Petulance? Also, there are Boy Fairies and then there are Guy Fairies. Guy Fairies are another breed. I think the Fairy of Channel Surfing is a Guy Fairy. Perhaps the Slacker Fairy was actually a Guy. I'm not sure how to deal with transgendered fairies, though.

Obviously we need the Fairy of Androgyny.

Manhattnik, maybe it's time.

I do hope Leigh will choreograph a ballet for the Fairy of Distraction one day. I think there are lots of possibilities there.

I am beginning to think that I was too 19th century in my suggestions. Perhaps it is time for Aurora to be brought into the real world, or she might grow up thinking she's a fairytale princess.

How about:

The Fairy of Dread and Doom

The Fairy of Nuclear Waste

The Fairy of Global Warming

The Fairy of Market Upheaval

The Fairy of Population Explosion (with her attendants)

All presided over by: the PR Faiiry

I'll let you all choreograph the variations

How could you forget about the Fairy of Connectivity?

Instead of a wand, this fairy carries a PDA. The famous "thumb" variation features a constantly working digit as the head swivels always to the mini-screen, allowing constant updates on e-mail, voice mail, stock quotes, and the latest posts on Ballet Talk. Until five or six years ago this fairy was male, but more recent appearances have revealed an increasingly feminine fairy.

What about the Fairy of Artistic Politics? She would be the one to break all of the rules and get away with it.... a variation on half point in flat shoes with completely changed choreography, etc.

I just had to dredge up this ancient topic to add my modern fairy--the Fairy of Aggression, sometimes known as the F--- You Fairy. Yes, it's that familiar "finger" variation...but with a different finger. She (he?) arrives first to the christening because she cut off all the other fairies on the highway with her Hummer, and she gives Aurora the gift of getting her own way--an important quality for today's children.

Well I'm voting for an Internet Fairy!

The Hip-Hop Fairy- brings much needed bling and street cred. to Aurora

The Hummer Fairy- Aurora's got to have the biggest baddest wheels a princess can get.

The Reality TV Show Fairy- brings Aurora her very own show. Carabosse is the bad guy of the show (think Omarosa), ratings go through the roof.

I love the Hip-Hop Fairy bringing bling!

Wouldn't you love to see the Bling-Bling Fairy's costume!!!

I can see the limited-edition Sean John tutu now...let's just hope she doesn't have too many pirouettes with all those chains around her neck! Hm...ever seen a fairy with a gold tooth before?

Sometimes (actually, often) I think the Trocks should read Anything Goes for inspiration. They'd do a great job putting these into practice--better them than NYCB. I'm always vaguely afraid Peter Martins is reading and saying, "Why didn't I think of that?!"

Thanks, Leigh, for being the Fairy of Clever Threads, and Hans, for the being the Archeological Fairy in digging it up!

We could have a Fairy of Political Correctness. No steps in that variation, for fear someone might not like this one or that one.

The Fairy of World Peace was supposed to attend but s/he got delayed in the security line.

Then there's the Cell Phone Fairy, whose music plays, but she doesn't dance, because she's got to take the damned call!

How about a feminism fairy? She could expand Aurora's horizons beyond just waiting around to marry a stupid prince - instead she could go to college and become a mathematician or something. The variation could have mime (Marry? No Way!) and could describe the wide range of careers that Aurora could aspire to (doctor, lawyer, etc.)

jayo

It's slightly off-topic, but I'd like to add Snow White and the Seven Basic Food groups to the wedding party....

Oh, Jeez, Paul!

Giannina

The Cellophane Fairy (sister of the Cell Phone Fairy), who brings her own sound effects to enhance the Tchaikovsky score.

And their wintertime cousin, the Fairy of the Loud A-choo.

i think the cell-phone fairy is the modern day personification of Carabosse.

I don't mind the Fairy of the Loud A-Choo, who can't, after all, always control herself and generally limits herself to a few brief and discreet outbursts.

Now, the Fairy of Running Commentary, different story altogether! She's sat beside me many a time. As has Cellophane Fairy.

These remind me of the Fairy of the Mid-Performance Program Perusal--so caught up in trying to figure out what's going on that she misses all the action and annoys the entire court with her mini flashlight in the process.

There could also be the Fairy of Corporate Perseverance, who gives the gift of working at the same job, in the same cubicle, for 40 years while praying to become "Supervisor." Her variation is slow and monotonous--no one says they want to dance it, but almost everyone ends up performing it anyway.

I think Aurora would enjoy the Fashion Fairy--dressed in a killer Dior tutu and fabulously accessorized by Saks (think pointe shoes with the little red Prada tag, or maybe the Gucci pattern on the ribbons) she doesn't do much in her variation, but she looks great!

A British production would have to include a Chav Fairy in a tutu of Burberry check.

Not a fairy, but I think we could have a variation for Stacey and Clinton of What Not To Wear , accompanied by a Greek chorus of Fashionista Fairies?

pmeja, I would kill to see Stacey and Clinton miming things like "vertical stripes make you look thinner" and "girlfriend, orange and purple do NOT go together!" (two snaps).

Maybe it could be expanded to a full ballet--I'm seeing a Dance of the Pointy-toed Manolos (a distant relative of Ashton's clog dance from La Fille Mal Gardée) as well as a scene taking place in that octagonal mirrored room (and you thought having just one big mirror at the front of the studio was frightening!). And of course at the end, a general dance with the made-over person's joyous friends and relatives with a set of divertissements.

The best part, of course, is that we could get this ballet sponsored by fashion designers instead of cigarette companies.

well then perhaps we could cast the variations differently too; for instance, how about Red Riding Hood Betsey Johnson being chased by Isaac Mizrahi the Wolf?

Re: the Fairy of Mid-Performance Program Perusal. I confess to the urge to be transformed into one of those occasionally. Why can't management raise the lights on programs of several short dances (with no interval), so you can see what's coming up next?
If they don't, some of us risk being turned into the terrible Fairy of the Pen-sized Flashlight.

Yes! And we could have Tom Ford as Puss 'N Boots (you know how he's always fondling the White Cat).

I think that Robin Givhan (fashion reporter for the Washington Post) should be represented among the wedding guests in Act III.

Bart, I agree with you about raising the lights between separate ballets for a moment--it's not easy to remember the title, dancers, and program notes of three (or more) different pieces all at once. I was thinking more of people who simply must read their programs while the dancers are performing.

I think the Canary Fairy ought to be replaced by the Candy Wrapper Fairy, myself... given the steps as they are now, you could stick brightly colored candy wrappers to her fingers and she could spend the variation trying to shake them off! Genius..if I do say so myself.

And then of course, to be topical, given his recent television appearances, we could have Puss'n'Boots Tom Cruise chasing Katie Holmes the White Cat, followed by the Fairy of Scientology!!!

I suddenly had a vision of W.C. Fields as the Ogre in the Hop o' My Thumb (Pas Berrichon) variation.

How about a PETA Fairy? She could have a celery stick for a wand and a tutu made only of organic fibers. This variation would be a special challenge to perform, as the dancer would have to keep her mouth open the entire time, lecturing everyone (particularly the king regarding those ermine robes) and there would be much hostility between her and the F--- You Fairy regarding the latter's Humvee.

Hans, the muse has descended on you this time
yes, o yes,wc Fields as the ogre -
-- that's great, totally visionary

Related to Hans' original concept for the fashion fairy, but we might as well have the fairies of Sponsorship and Product Placement.

The Fairy of Sponsorship: This Variation made possible by ExxonMobil.

The Product Placement fairy would walk around the set with a clipboard, checking the end tables to make sure Reese's Pieces were displayed clearly (but not too obviously) in bowls. She would give Aurora a fabulous gift basket of baby items from Pottery Barn, Aveeda and Baby Gap. You can find shopping information in your programs. The backdrop of the castle would be a window, looking out to a view over golden arches in the distance.

Leigh, your fairies (aside from making me laugh silently here in my cubicle) made me wonder whether that dancer (was it Cynthia Gregory?) who smoked a cigarette during her Grand Pas Classique variation was ever contacted by Virginia Slims (or whatever her preferred brand was). Not that I favor smoking, but imagine the ads!

Leigh, you're smoking!!!

WHAT are you smoking?

The Fairy of the Mid-Performance Program Perusal with her cavalier, the Blackberry masquerading as a flashlight.

As a marketing ploy to bring in younger fans, there would be

The iPod Fairy
The "Whatever" Fairy

The Master of Ceremonies would be renamed, "Talk to the Hand."

There could be naming rights for the castle (a la baseball fields)!

Then of course there's the reality show where the audience gets to vote on whether Aurora marries the Prince or runs off with the Wolf...

Ok, I have to admit to owning an iPod. (I love it!)

If Aurora runs off with the Big Bad Wolf, does Prince Desire get to go after Princess Florine?

So do I, but if anyone knew, iPods would become unfashionable very quickly

And then you could have the jewels sponsored by Tiffany & Co., Cartier, DeBeers, etc.

Aurora also needs a therapist/Fairy of Advice to guide her decisions about whether she should stick with Prince Desire or go for the Wolf or maybe even the Bluebird!! I guess the Lilac Fairy is supposed to fill this role, but I don't know if she is pointing out all of Aurora's options!

Tiffany, having the fairies of the precious stones and metals sponsored by jewelers is brilliant! However, we might have to alter the Diamond Fairy's variation to suit De Beers--it would have to last forever.

When Tiffany's sponsors them, I think Bravo should do a Sunday morning TV show about it called--you guessed it--Breakfast with the Arts at Tiffany's! Picture your ballerina of choice saying, "A girl just cahn't dahnce at the Met with a green face, dahling."